The courtyard
If you have been reading my blog, you know I like to garden.
I enjoy watching my flowers grow. There is a peace that lingers there.
Meadow grass in spring, lush and green.
But there are others that like my gardens too. They ransack everywhere they dig, leaving dead, missing, fallen or wilting plants behind.
Death follows.
Some brazenly sunbathe at midday while I sit in the shade drinking sweet tea*. Some make paths back and forth above ground, without a care in the world. Vole highways. Some sit on my fountain and bathe. Squirrels.
The nerve…
I am filled with a vengeance toward these small ruffians of EVERYTHING I grow.
Today they ruined my morning cuppa. I was perusing my vegetables in raised beds, thinking what a good idea they (raised beds) are…
Then INSIDE one box ~
The tell-tale sign of disturbed compost with a small hole, barely visible. A clue nonetheless… voles, the most destructive critter around.
Grabbing the garden hose, I turned on the “HOT” valve, usually reserved for dog washing. It writhed like a trapped snake as I forced it into the hole. Torrents of steaming water flooded inner sanctums, following tunnels unwittingly left behind.
My intent?
To drown them out, force them to the surface where I waited, shovel at my side. And Bella…
I had hopes of teaching Bella to patiently wait until one emerged, drenched and vulnerable. Then stunning it with her huge paw, I could bash it with my trusty shovel.
(She was no help. Last month it worked like a charm!)
The water streamed in for ten minutes. I began to wonder if they had completely under”mined” my box. The dirt sank down with the flooded, collapsing tunnels!!!
DAMMIT!!
(Bella is no help. IF she catches one, she tosses it around …leaving it for me to later step on with my bare feet… disgusting!)
Earlier in the spring, lush with spinach, baby leeks, lettuces and chard.
The question is HOW did they get in. We put chicken wire at the bottom of the box and it’s enclosed all the way around. It sits almost 2 feet above ground. No clues but a small vole hole near a beautiful bunch of baby onions. The “unassuming” little vole does climb and is the most destructive. Hopefully he is now drowned… Composting.
I have Wanted posters out on them all. They are unshaven, unwashed, teeth~cigarette-stained, no glasses. They use all four feet as well as sharp teeth to tunnel, eat everything in sight/smell and inflict damage and death. Even little, blind moles killed my thyme with constant bug foraging between the courtyard flagstone.
Evidence…
So close to my little apple tree!
Just in case you see these furry ruffians in your garden ~
“Vigor the Vole”
“Malodorous the Mole”
“Smarties the Squirrels”
“Jugular the Jack Rabbit”
“GaGa the Gopher”
It is an endless pursuit; I am out-rodented and under-armed. I won’t use poison bates or bombs. I have no success with traps. The varmints figured them out long ago and genetically passed it on. Voles reproduce every 2 weeks with a staggering dozen per litter.
Imagine…
The best deterrent?
S N A K E S!
Gus and Gussie Gopher Snake
Ruth the Ribbon Snake
Garrison Garter Snake
dare I say…?
Randolph the Rattler
but…
Being the impatient sort… I have resorted to this ~
“Addie” Oakley
~~~
*sweet adelaide’s sweet tea:
Boil 1cup water with 1cup sugar about 7 min. Add to brewed black tea according to taste. Chill. Add juice of half a lemon, preferably a Meyer lemon and plenty of ice to a tall glass of sweet tea. Go sit in the shade.
{Chai ~ Add sweet spices like cinnamon, clove, nutmeg (garam masala if brave) to finished syrup and steep 1 hour. Proceed as above, adding milk of choice. Sweetened almond milk is wonderful.}
Enjoy.
Related articles
- Voles invade North Salt Lake neighborhood (abc4.com)
- Photos: Annie Oakley’s Gun Sold (abcnews.go.com)
- Varmints Digging Like Moles = Voles (loves2garden.com)
- Voles Winning 2012 Garden Wars– I turn to sharpshooting (forbesontech.typepad.com)
I am so sorry about the voles.
We have raccoons that leave their cherry-pit laden droppings at the base of our lovely large trees. I think they are overgrown mask bearing rats!!!
Absolutely loved your post! Hope it’s okay – but you did give quite a chuckle…
~ Wendy
hi wendy,
thanks for your sweet comment. raccoons, of course, we have them too..one night they decided to have a gang fight outside our bedroom door, right on the step there were 3 screeching animals. they woke us because their bodies were flinging themselves against the glass!
we have every known critter except those from Asia!! the weather is too nice, even at 2am…. they all come out to play this time of year, most especially. i didn’t even go into the larger ones, like coyotes, mountain lions and all….. at least there are no bears!
this was written a bit “tongue in cheek” so yes, i am glad it brought a giggle. xx
Ha-ha. Our fight is with ground hogs. We plug up their holes (they promptly dig them out). Then I made a scare crow, and put moth balls all over the place, and so far they haven’t eaten the garden, but the have a lot of fat to put on before hibernation time.
oh man… i don’t think we will ever overcome these guys… i think that ground hogs are larger? ugh… after writing this, i went out and discovered they have been enjoying my stand of sage to the point where they are all falling over, wilted… i guess i can think of it as thinning!
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Oh Linda, this was absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!
“I have Wanted posters out on them all. They are unshaven, unwashed, teeth~cigarette-stained, no glasses.”
Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! That made me HOWL!!!!!!
And I ADORE the photo of Addie Oakley! That was PRICELESS!
So sorry about the moles
But OMG….they gave you a GREAT post topic!
Have a glorious weekend, dear friend!
(((((( Linda ))))))
xoxoxoxox
P.S. loved the video clip too!
Something was up with your commenting system, but that last comment was from me.
Hi ron.. yes i noticed it [the commenting system] did not register your name or your url. it must have been down? anyway i knew it was you by your uproarious laughter!!
I want to do a post about Annie Oakley now-what a fascinating american hero!
anyway, thanks for getting a kick out of my trials and tribs, ron… no, i’m kidding…it’s gotten to be a circus of small rodents here as it does every summer but haven’t seen a single water rat, thank heavens! haha, didn’t even mention those huge things! no birdseed:( no water rats i guess. but ticks anyway… i guess it’s the lizards! no kidding..
aren’t you glad you live in a large city on the 100th floor?
have a great one today and tomorrow my friend. xoxxo
Couldn’t you maybe scatter some vole contraceptive devices – little vole condoms, for instance? What? They haven’t been invented yet? I guess you’re just going to have to import more snakes.. but not (hopefully) one like this.
Your garden always does look beautiful even though I can well understand the critter problems. During our first spring here I decided to plant several hundred sunflower seeds (half already sprouted) down at the beach park. It turned out the squirrels and birds had taken them for tasty treats. Things do grow but everybody needs to eat.
xoxo
dear susan,
)
as ron said above- Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
what an hilarious idea however i will have to invent them first! maybe i already know what i would use…those little finger gloves you use for LCD light bulbs, crystals and the like….they(my nibblers, guzzlers, etc) would have to be big bruisers however…hmmmm, maybe they can make them just a wee bit smaller. but there will have to a planned parenthood in the crepe myrtle to teach them how to use them. maybe an acorn? corn kernel… geez susan, did we have to go here?
you should have asked me before you went bird feeding! hahaha, of course the birds would eat them…they eat lots of mine unless i put out bird netting, you silly woman. why didn’t you go buy about 100 yards of netting too? then they’d have survived UNLESS something came from BELOW!!!? :O
everybody does need to eat so i always plant extras…still come on, the stupid(not) little guys are just being fat and greedy. you should see them…they waddle!
hope your weekend brings lots of sun and good produce!
xoxoxox
Well, the sunflower planting really didn’t work out so well at all – except as snacks. Don’t worry though, I haven’t given up on the idea of planting in that park yet. Since I still don’t have a garden of my own, and I love spring flowers, I’ve found a few very nice spots for daffodils. I’ll let you know how it works out.
xoxo
I keep losing my comments on here but don’t know if it’s the connection. i just finished a little ‘aside’ post explaining where i went, i am again in prison
of the bandwidth sort….. what a drag. i think you will see the other reply but if not, i said somehow i didn’t think you would give up but you are certainly taking on a more ambitious task with the daffies!
third time’s the charm i guess…. reference to the third try on leaving this here for you. xoxox sigh sigh sigh… hoping to be back soon.
I’m very sorry about your bandwidth difficulties and wish I could send you some extra. Not that we have a lot to spare – sometimes our connection here just disappears or our cable company loses its connection to the larger world. It can be frustrating if you let it get to you so I think you’re wise to enjoy some tea and the view from your pretty patio. Are your roses still blooming? It’s funny how they manage to look after a lot of very pretty flowers in our public garden but every year they kill off the roses.
I’ll give the daffodil planting expedition at least one try. I even know where I can buy a bulb planting augur for cheap.
Take good care of yourself, my friend.
xxooxxo
the auger really gave me a laugh. you ARE serious!! and smart too. obviously you’ve planted more than a few bulbs in your day! yes, i usually have roses all summer but spring and fall is always best. it’s just heating up the past couple of weeks..ugh. i wonder how they kill off the roses? they seem so tough around here…. sad.
thanks for stopping by, my friend. xoxo
The main problem with rose cultivation in these parts is that the winters are so very cold that they never get really comfortable in the ground. The bushes I’ve noticed doing fairly well in people’s gardens have been simpler varieties that I think get pretty much left alone. The two big beds in the park are filled with multi-petaled plants in pink and white that aren’t mulched for winter and are never dead-headed in summer. I also think they probably do too much hoeing around the bases of them in an effort to keep the weeds at bay. The poor things never grow to be more than 2 feet tall and look very scraggly. Then again, what do I know?
I hope you’re fine. Now I’ll go check out your newest post.
xoxo
wow, these are getting really skinny…i wonder why they don’t bump over? oh well… the roses probably hate all the cold air during fall/winter…i think that’s what gets them tho rain isn’t all that great either. snow isn’t the problem i don’t think being rather insulating. mulching would do a huge bit of good i bet. ah well….i don’t think they much care and probably treat them like annuals! have a good week, my friend. xoxox
*laughing* Well, at least I’m not the only one who puts a name to the critters of the yard!
We don’t chase ours off very effectively–tried with the ground squirrel at one point and laughed myself silly watching himself soak socks in fox piss. *laughing!!* I didn’t have the heart to tell him that really, the little fella wasn’t doing any damage. Yup—hose to the holes, live traps….. He got so smitten by the cuteness that he gave up trying–and, of course, I named him which made it dang near impossible for him to carry out the mission anyway.
Now, we don’t have some of the critters you have (just as well….yikes, we’d have a zoo and a mess….LOL). But we deal with bunnies (which Mel feeds) and ground squirrels (which Mel feeds) and squirrels (which……you guessed it! LOL MEL FEEDS!!).
I tried to keep Geoffry the Ground Hog but HE WOULDN”T LET ME.
<– sulking!!
mel,
and fox piss… how lovely!!! and i would have laughed myself until i did what the fox did! xox
how lovely you have come to some sort of peace accord with your critters BUT you do not have as many as we do…we have a very temperate climate here, with a very mild winter last year, even dry as i think CA is close to a drought at least around here. so they just breed all year round. you have snow and that definitely puts a stop to that nonsense…. did you see susan’s ideas? yes… ahem…
Oh my.. You gave me such a good chuckle! I laughed out loud when I came to Annie Oakley. I can just see you trying to drown those little critters. We have no such thing in New Mexico. Come on over!
hi peggy,
glad you got some chuckles out of this….i might as well since i have given up and just let them have their way…if you can’t win, why fight it.
i am having husband teach me to shoot his guns because of trespassers not animals. i am not planning to shoot people[*that didn't come out right!*]
no, we have had some problems with trespassers and i have no way of help, no neighbors, far from town, etc., and feel quite unprotected if i can’t reach my husband. and that’s exactly what happened recently.
a couple of men enjoying watching me walking around the veggie garden in my PJ’s and i had no idea to even look for them! as soon as i looked up and saw them they back up but then went the wrong way and disappeared somewhere. i spent days freaked out and angry and so decided the time has come….. i still haven’t put up my target on the hay bales but i will and then i will be “addie oakley” and look out trespassers. i used to be a good shot with a sling shot!
all i need to keep anyone at bay is bella, she’s a small moose now and a gun. i don’t plan to ever shoot someone but if i had to defend myself, frankly there’d be no hesitation at all. i would aim somewhere like … well, you know.
keep off the property…geez, there’s signs all over the place! xoxoxo [getting all worked up getting mad again. glad you stopped by, my dear.]
Hello Linda,
You’ve got a lovely garden! I’m sorry for what happened to the plants, these creatures are really difficult to get rid off. I remember when I was a kid living in the village, I bred chickens while my Mom had a garden of beautiful flower plants. My Mom used to hate the chickens very much because they like to climb on top of the flower pots to lay egg.,Sometimes they caused rows of flower pots to topple down and kill the poor plants, and guess what, I’d always be there to defend my chickens!
welcome zunnur,
i would love to have some chickens but as i said in an earlier post and here too(i think), husband does NOT want any–at least not yet!
thanks for coming by.. i am sorry i didn’t find your comment to me at first. i am still new at this WP stuff. xx
I can sympathize as voles ate the tops of each beet in my garden last year. I would wrap your apple tree. There is a white plastic wrapping about two inches wide with holes that is made to protect the trunks of young trees. I have them on trees in my orchard to keep the trunks from being girdled by voles.
karen, good idea! thanks for stopping by.
hello luv. i’m still belly laughing at your critter post. the critters aren’t at all funny, but you transform them into comedians. one of the upsides of living so far north is many of the nasties can’t survive the severe winters. i’m so looking forward to having a yard again to grow things in; you remind me how much i love growing things….. already planning to plant spring bulbs soon, for much needed glory at the end of the next long dark.
Bella has the nicest smile. what’s she grinning about in that picture?
well, hello my dear…what a pleasure it is to see you again. yes, we have some very mild seasons and last winter NOthing happened to kill or at least deter much of any of these critters. are you moving…must admit i have not been able to keep up with my blogging friends and might have missed a post or few … i shall come by and read up. it sounds like you are leaving the great north! maybe not tho as you mention ‘the long dark… great description, btw. xoxoxox and i have no idea, she’s just a ‘grinner’!
Brilliant post, Linda!! Disaster for you, but fun for us to read … and so imaginative. I think it is this – ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ … so perhaps you should be digging an underground room or constructing a tree house. We have wild boars that kindly rotovate the garden during the night and are not fussy as to which plants they uproot, nor how many boulders they toss, leaving us with no borders to the plant beds.
hi aguja, where have you been? yes, maybe i should be i did plant extras for the greedy little devils. wild boars are about the last thing i would want. we have them up here but they don’t like humans much and keep to the woods and canyons, thank goodness!!! BOULDERS!! HAHAH… lovely. xoxoxo
This blog is just plain awesome. I too am a country gal who paints and gardens. You need to see my post How to Keep Critters Out of Your Veggy Garden. or words to that effect. I am right there with you and you might find some answers on that post. thank you for visiting and giving me a chance to follow another great blogger!
thanks for your wonderful comment! it felt so good to read it!! and I am running right over to read up on your critter catching devices and all! they have ruined my lawn this year! it’s dangerous to walk on it without breaking an ankle!
Good for you and keep in touch so that we can gang up on them!
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