Country Woman Paints

a seeker, painter, photographer, writer and fragrant rose lover~

Van Gogh's starry night

 

Paintings by Leonora Carrington

This post is in it’s 29th revision. Ridiculous but either that or silence, I suppose. Here the wind is howling, rattling windows, as if to come in for a cup of tea while ripping at the tin of the barn roof.

Pondering paths ahead, probably an unwise idea. The many dichotomies. I haven’t been afraid since I don’t know when. I am angry at the unexpected realities of my life, not that farming is ever secure. Mother Nature will do her thing no matter what I may want. However my new reality means there are many unanswered questions. Only thru seeking wisdom are answers I tend to forget.  There’s no escape. There never is. I will survive. I have survived what I was sure I could not. I live by a simple yet profound dharma.

No Hope, No Fear, No Doubt

And so, dear readers, this “country” woman prepares to depart the country when I am unprepared for new horizons.

…the inevitable tedium of seeking buyers who think they want a “Wine Country Lifestyle”. It is really all so much bullshit.

The dark glowering hills before me now, soon will be memories as we are doing the inevitable tedium of seeking buyers who think they want a “Wine Country Lifestyle”. It is really all so much bullshit.

We can hold tightly or we can release. I choose to release all to that ferocious wind. It flows in all directions, without a stain left in it’s wake,  clearing any mess of things left behind. Of ego’s desire to grasp. Resistance a flimsy barrier, gone, tossed by winds pulling the cleansing torrent.

It is best to allow things to be as they are, to seek acceptance. Feeling lost or out of sync is useless, leads to confusion, does not matter and shall pass. Is that not so? Imagine dragons….  And if they don’t come to mind, there’s always Nutella. Healthy eating be damned!

11 thoughts on “Reminders at 3AM

  1. Gosh, that is a turnaround! I wish you all the luck in the world with moving and the strength to cope with the inevitable stress. Glorious work. xx

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    1. ĽAdelaide says:

      Yes, it is but life as grape growers in a 4 year drought is very tenuous. We are simply tired of the fight and inevitable stress. It IS raining more so far this year, a good thing, but my mind is made up. I am finished with this lifestyle. xox

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  2. Hold on to your hat as that wind blows and carries things away. Dreams, ideas, plans and the attachment to the land. Although not a farmer of any kind, the land called me in and I spent my energy and breath doing what I could to survive. And then the reality of economics hit hard and fracking plans in the area along with a real estate downturn and there we were, drowning. Big decisions, a painful letting go, a sense of shame and giving up were ours but we did it. We walked away. It had to be done.
    Hold on to your hat. You are still, ever, you.

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    1. ĽAdelaide says:

      Dear Joss,
      Thank you so much for stopping by to write me about your feelings. Yes, I can understand completely, it is a very bumpy ride… and since I had about 2 days to figure out what to do, even more so. I am a survivor and this is simply an attachment I no longer need tho I hadn’t any thoughts of moving on for awhile. complacency being the disease it can be, we are sucked into it’s soft song until the player breaks…. ah well, we shall see. So now I understand why you have gone so far afield!! And you shall be rewarded as it sounds like already, it is a beauty of a land. Be well, my friend and please stay in touch. xo

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  3. gfid says:

    I’ve been out of the loop for a while…. and it looks like I came back at a tempestuous time. Big decisions, bigger changes in your life. I hope you’ll continue to blog, and to share your beautiful art. I’m climbing into the little clay pot, to help hold it together through the fire. xo

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    1. ĽAdelaide says:

      My dear, it is so kind of you to wander by at such a lovely time as now. I haven’t seen or heard from you in forever and had noticed you were busy elsewhere. It happens and we all, our very small little group, have been at this perhaps, too long methinks … but no matter. Yes life had changed drastically here but there are other horizons to climb, literally. I just am not sure I want to continue with my drivel. I am not stopping my painting once things get back to some sense of normalcy. Besides I need the money in a way I wish I didn’t. For now my studio just sits as I am so distracted, I cannot seem to focus on paints. Ah well…. being gentle with ourselves is very important and so, I am finding myself sleeping a lot. 😉 My love to youxo

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  4. Leya says:

    My dear friend – so it has come to this. I wish you all the best in your new direction and all strength to focus on what has to be done. Maybe you will find time to relax with your colours and brushes, with your little fourlegged friend or maybe even blogging.
    Good Luck with everything – stay safe and in touch!

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    1. ĽAdelaide says:

      Thank you my dear…. Yes it has come to the unknown and I’m not happy about it. However there may be a silver lining, who knows. I’m hoping to regain energy to paint soon. Flu really got us this year. Be well, You! xx

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      1. Leya says:

        I wish you health and energy – and the silver lining. Hugs.

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  5. susancrow says:

    You know my heart is with you.

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  6. All who have followed you and your wondrous mind and art know in our heart of hearts you WILL BE FINE. Beyond fine. You are one who thrives, creates, turns whatever is about into something wondrous. I do hope you will let us know where Spirit takes you next and I also hope you stay in touch. Now more than ever we need each others’ voices. You might be surprised at what you feel compelled to do, once you land. Loving thoughts and warm best wishes, dear…. Love, Kathryn xxoxo

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